Break Wide Open

Break Wide Open

We are at the start of a reckoning. It’s time to awaken our spirits and reclaim our bodies.  Our bodies have not truly been our own. We have been exposed and poisoned by messages that we need to look outside of ourselves for our worth, healing, and health.  We have been taught for generations that we should not trust ourselves. That we don’t know what’s best for us. That our internal voice should be quieted – and we need to find the answer elsewhere from experts.  But there is a collection of us hearing the call within to listen. There is a growing movement of us saying, no, I am the expert of my own body and heart.

This calling starts off as whispers.  Whispers of “this can’t be right”, “this can’t be the only way”, “this doesn’t feel right”, and slowly it has become louder with tears streaming and a pounding in our hearts saying, “this isn’t living”, “this is not the way I want to go through this life”,  “there has to be another way.”.

I had ignored my inner voice for much of my life.  I often ignored my instincts and thought that my gut reactions should be ignored and instead to follow my more logical mind.  The mind that had research, knowledge, and guidance from outside influence. When we ignore our inner voice, it has no other choice but to shake things up.  It’s yearning to be heard and when we live so far out of alignment with our inner wisdom, our entire life is out of alignment.

I was so deep into quieting my soul’s calling that I often turned to others for how I should navigate through my life.

My life was out of alignment. I knew it. My heart knew it. But I continued to ignore it for so long until one day the universe stepped in and said, no longer are we going to allow you to go down this path.  It’s time, sister. It’s time to rise up. It had been building within me for years – a slow churning of a tornado that would eventually break wide open.

I felt restless for much of my life – searching for what was going to set me free.  It almost became a joke within my family (or so it seemed), what is Cristina going to want to do now? I had thought about becoming an interior designer, a full-time yoga instructor, bar owner, florist, among other things. I was yearning for something different. I was working on a career path that did anything but light me up. It kept me stagnant – plugging away and not using my fullest self.  I felt so lost.

And then I met him. He had a big smile, was charming, and made me feel like the only person in the room.  He supported me. He made me laugh. He made me feel beautiful – like truly beautiful. I felt so invincible. Even though I was working in a job that did anything but light up my heart, he did. He made me feel alive.  

But still, inside, there was a quiet voice that whispered, this isn’t right.  How could this not be right when it felt so right? I ignored that voice. I continued to ignore it for two years until one day, it all came crashing around me.  My category five tornado had hit. It wrecked my inner home and caused destruction in its path. He was not what I thought. We were not what I believed. I had to rebuild my home. I had to rebuild my surroundings.   

I was then forced, my whole world in ruins, to ask myself the questions.

How did I invite this into my life?

How did I let this happen?

Why did I continue to ignore my inner voice for so long?

We have to break open – we have to ask ourselves how did this happen and begin to flex the muscle of listening to our inner wisdom. Our body is constantly speaking to us and the more we begin to hear it’s calling and not ignore it – the more we will begin to reclaim our bodies.  

I thank him for exposing what needed to be exposed.  I thank him for opening up the darkness within me and shaking me awake to reclaim my power.  

Breaking open and exploring the parts of me that I had pushed to the side was the building block for my total heart and body healing.  I was forced, out of necessity, to explore myself and to learn why I had pushed my instincts aside and why I had turned off my own inner wisdom, why I had turned my power over.  

This exploration was the reckoning.  It was the bang that brought me to myself – my truest self.  This was a turning point in my relationship with myself, my body, my health, and ultimately by no longer ignoring these parts of myself and no longer giving those parts of me away to others, I was able to reclaim myself.  I was able to become an advocate for my deepest desires and built a friendship within that leveled up my entire life. I can no longer go back.

It is time to collectively break open. One by one, we need to wake up and say to ourselves – why am I giving my power away? How can I reclaim my power, my health, my vitality?  Welcome to breaking wide open. It’s a messy ride, it’s raw, challenging, but powerful, beautiful, and endless. You too will not be able to go back once the journey has started. You are not alone. I’m here and we’re in this together.

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